why didn't you poke me back
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
