You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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