update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
