why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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