i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
