Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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