Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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