I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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