her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize