Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
