Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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