people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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