we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
