I got chris browned last night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
