brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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