I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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