Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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