How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
