I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
