they said they heard you say put it in my butt
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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