I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
