I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
