I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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