wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
