Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
