she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
