Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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