That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
