Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
