bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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