Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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