so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Did I show you my penis last night?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
