i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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