ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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