you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
