Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
