My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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