whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
