her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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