smell my finger.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
