My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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