So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
