I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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