Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
