Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
