This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
