last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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