Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
