i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
