He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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