If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
