I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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