Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
