Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
