would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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