things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
