Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
