wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
