your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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