I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
