guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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