I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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