I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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