smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
