apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
