Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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