which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
