i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
