Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
