I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We don't watch enough power rangers
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
