ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize