my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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